THE MYSTERY OF THE TIME ARTIST
ONE
Mr Goon, the village policeman, was in a very bad temper. He sat at his desk and stared at the postcard that had been delivered to his police house that morning. This was the umpteenth postcard he'd received in as many days from someone or something called 'ON KAWARA'.
ON KAWARA as in ON DUTY? ON KAWARA as in ON HOLIDAY? He wasn't sure. But he would be finding out very soon or his name wasn't Theophilus Goon. That was the name stamped clearly, in capitals, on the message side of the card. How on earth had the sender known Goon's forename? Only his mother, his aunty, his nephew and Goon himself were in possession of that very personal and completely secret information. Mister Goon or p.c. Goon or plain old Goon was how he answered to the world.
All the previous cards had been sent from New York and bore American stamps. The picture sides of the cards were each the same!, a view of the Statue of Liberty. Goon had seen that before on plenty of newsreels, so he knew what that was all right. But today's card had been posted from London and showed a view of the Houses of Parliament from across the Thames. Now, New York was thousands of miles away. Whereas London was just a short journey from Peterswood, the Buckinghamshire village where Mister Goon lived and worked. Goon had always been good at geography. He knew that it was the same river that ran through Peterswood before flowing past those Houses of Parliament. Goon had this image of the person who had sent him the card paddling a canoe upstream to confront him face to face. But why? What was it all about?
Goon supped from his second mug of tea. He didn't need to get out on his round yet, because what was he doing if not solid police work? So he could sit here a while longer and mull over this strange case. He looked at today's postcard. He really looked at it. Houses of Parliament… OK. Turn over… And as he did so, Goon realised that it was the message side that mattered, the picture side was for tourists, not a busy policeman. The message side contained the following information. Neither more nor less. First the address all over the right side:
THEOPHILUS GOON
PETERSWOOD POLICE STATION
PETERSWOOD
BUCKINGHAMSHIRE.
ENGLAND
How pedantic to stamp the word 'Peterswood' twice. In his experience there was nothing worse than a pedant. And that's what it looked like he was dealing with here. A pedantic little man, possibly a Japanese motorcyclist. The left side was stamped:
AUG - 26 1970
I GOT UP AT 12.51P.M.
ON KAWARA
51 SUNDERLAND ROAD
FOREST HILL
LONDON
Goon felt his blood boil as his brain came up with the word 'KAWASAKI'. He was all but certain that he was dealing with a Japanese biker who didn't get up until it had gone noon because he had been drinking so much sake the night before. Was that Goon jumping to a conclusion - as he was sometimes prone to do, according to the Inspector - or was it solid police work? Goon wasn't sure. Possibly a bit of both.
"Gah!" announced Goon as he got to his feet. He couldn't focus on such nonsense for a moment longer. Time to see what else was going on in Peterswood.
*
As Goon was leaving his police house, two children were skipping up the lane from the river towards the centre of the village. They were twelve-year old Pip Hilton and his younger sister, Bets, who had not long turned nine.
"Keep up, Bets."
"I am keeping up."
They were due to meet their friends, Larry and Daisy Daykin, and to call in on the Trotteville residence. The fifth member of the group - they called themselves the Find-Outers - was Frederick Algernon Trotteville, or Fatty for short. Fatty was the leader of their group because he was so clever and so funny and because he had such a generous nature. Everyone loved Fatty. Except Goon, of course. Fatty and his dog Buster, were mortal enemies of Mr Goon and they often found themselves at loggerheads. Fatty came out on top every time, but nobody thought that poor Goon would be giving up anytime soon.
The children were especially excited this morning because Fatty had been unusually aloof for much of the long, summer holiday. They had solved a Mystery together at the beginning of July but for the last month they had hardly seen Fatty. Whenever they did meet, Fatty always had a good excuse as to why he couldn't stop and talk. So it had come as a wonderful surprise when he'd phoned around the previous evening, inviting Pip, Bets, Larry and Daisy round to see him in his shed.
The four Find-Outers met, briefly hugged, and skilfully by-passed the front door of the Trotteville residence in order to approach Fatty's shed at the bottom of the garden. Just before knocking, Pip wondered aloud if Fatty would be in disguise, and Bets giggled in anticipation.
They knocked.
"Come!"
"Hello, Fatty!" the four said in unison, throwing open the door.
"Ah good, my fellow Find-Outers, you can admire my latest postcard."
The Find-Outers looked at Fatty, sitting at a wide desk surrounded by postcards and stamping paraphernalia. There were blank postcards, spoiled postcards, a sheet of British stamps, a nearly finished sheet of American stamps, and hundreds of tiny, orange rubber letters that Fatty was handling with tweezers, so that lines of letters were neatly installed onto boards. Lines of letters that made up words and phrases.
"What are these?" Asked Pip, picking up a thing that had four lines of text stuffed along plastic rows.
"They are platens. That one's Goon's address."
"I can't make it out."
"Yes, you can. The letters have to be the wrong way round so as to be the right way when stamped on the card."
"Oh, I see. What a lot of the letter 'O'."
"You're telling me. I needed to buy two printing kits to have enough of that one letter. So now I've got too many ink pads and too many tweezers floating around. Careful, Pip. Any of the rubber letters that fall on the floor, Buster snaps up."
Pip was still thinking about the number of the letter 'O' on the thing that Fatty had called a platen. "But you could just have left out one of the Peterswoods."
"That's exactly what On Kawara would never do."
"On Kawara?" said three voices at once (Pip was still staring at Goon's address, mentally checking that Fatty had all the letters the right way round. Which is to say the wrong way round.)
"I think the quickest way of bringing you up to speed is to ask you to watch," said Fatty, adding. "That's Buster trying to get in the shed. He's already eaten enough rubber to upset his tummy. So don't let him in."
"Poor Buster," said Bets, aware of his scraping. But she was closely watching as Fatty brought a neat little device down onto the blank postcard.
"Voila!" said Fatty
And as he lifted his hand away from the card, the day's date was evenly stamped onto a blank postcard in a perfectly straight line with no smudging.
"Coo," said Pip.
"Watch again."
And a 'getting up time' was boldly stamped on the card.
"You got up at 10.45 A.M. this morning?" said Bets. "That's early for you in the summer holidays."
"Keep watching."
Then the words 'ON KAWARA' were stamped, above an address in London.
"But Fatty, who is On Kawara?"
"Patience. That name is the most important thing to explain, and I'll get there. But I'm not finished my demo. If you'll just hand me that platen, Pip."
Pip did so. And the Find-Outers watched as their leader boldly plonked down the business side of the platen on to the right side of the card.
THEOPHILUS GOON
PETERSWOOD POLICE STATION
PETERSWOOD
BUCKINGHAMSHIRE
"Nine capital 'O's!" Said Pip.
"Not quite straight," said Bets.
Larry was grinning. This was an anti-Goon joke. And those were what made their world go round.
"It's straight enough. I've already spoiled two cards this morning with smudging," said Fatty. "But this one is hereby approved by yours truly for posting tomorrow morning. I work one day ahead of myself, if you see what I mean."
"But it's already been franked," said Pip.
"Very observant of you, Pip. Doing the wavy lines through the stamp with a black pen is the only bit that could go wrong. But I've got it down to a fine art. I keep the franking simple. See, you wouldn't look at it twice."
"But the post office won't deliver a franked postcard," said Daisy.
"Really, you are all on top form this morning. Indeed, the post-office won't deliver it, which is why I will have to slip it through Goon's letterbox not long after I've seen the postman walk away from Goon's house."
"Clever," Said Pip.
"Well, no, the clever bit is the tiny blue writing typed up the middle of the message side. Read it, please, Larry."
"The Houses of Parliament including the House of Commons where the Speaker is currently Frederick Algernon Trotteville."
"But Goon will read that!"
"I don't think so. Goon is too lazy to read such fine print, especially as he would have to turn the card at right angles in his podgy hand. Besides, he has already received 26 postcards where the blue pre-printing has said: 'STATUE OF LIBERTY, NEW YORK HARBOUR. 'Give me your tired, your poor. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these the homeless, tempest-tost to me. I lift my lamp behind the golden door.' Goon will have had enough of the tiny blue writing."
"You've sent him 26 postcards?" said Bets.
"Today's is the 27th."
"Well, all right, Fatty," said Daisy. "But who on earth is On Kawara and why are you doing this?"
And so Fatty told the Find-Outers all about the marvellous New York artist who was in the habit of sending out a postcard to two people every day, and who was in the further habit of painting the date on the day itself. The date and only the date. In white letters on a background of either red or blue or black."
"I don't understand," said Bets.
"You soon will," said Fatty.
And they all smiled. Oh, this was going to be a lovely day. The summer holidays seemed to stretch on for longer than ever. Who needed school when you had Fatty as teacher, mentor and sage!
TWO
The next day, Fatty got up and dressed early, delivered the previous day's card to Goon, made a new one (which was easier than it sounds as he only had to move the date stamp round from 27 to 28, and alter the getting up time from 10.45 to 8.53) and installed himself on a bench on Peterswood High Street in front of the café.
Everything under control? Well, not quite. He was in disguise, but hadn't quite satisfied himself that it would fool everyone. He had smeared light brown boot polish on his face and was wearing a set of false teeth (top plate only) over his own, plus a thin, black moustache. He was wearing a black silk kimono which was not really warm enough, not at 10A.M. on an English day in August. But there was no doubt that it had an extraordinary slimming effect. He was sticking with the kimono for now in the hope that the day would warm up as it went along.
The Find Outers approached Fatty and reassured him that if he hadn't told them of his plan they would definitely not have recognised him. Whether he looked like the Japanese artist was another matter. After all, no-one knew what On Kawara looked like. And no-one had a very good idea of what a man who had been born in Japan but had ended up becoming a famous conceptual artist in New York would have looked like either.
"I love the kimono," said Bets. "And the face colour is so odd that you don't want to let your eyes linger on it."
"It will have to do. Now beat it and leave the coast clear for Goon to come across me."
Half an hour later, Goon emerged from his house and shut the door firmly behind him. On Kawara had got up at 10.45 A.M. yesterday. He couldn't get that stupid bit of information out of his mind.
Goon put one foot in front of another and felt his head clear. Who in the whole of merry old England cared when On Kawara got up, for goodness sake. Not P.C. Goon.
The policeman hadn't walked far when he came across the stranger who seemed to have settled himself in the middle of the village to make a painting of the High Street. But when Goon looked closer at the canvas he couldn't see a line of shops. The whole thing was covered in the ugliest brown imaginable.
What an odd thing to paint - a field of mud! But Goon couldn't think that the man was breaking any law, so he wandered across the road and went into the café to see if the painting was likely to cause a public disturbance. Besides, it was time for his bacon sandwich, something that he liked to enjoy on a daily basis however many sausages he'd had before leaving the house.
Goon saw that the nuisance kids that called themselves The Find-Outers were at the window seat eating macaroons and drinking ginger beer. But there was no sign of their leader, the fat boy that was such a nuisance, popping up everywhere whenever there was a mystery to solve, and often solving it himself - with the help of those kids - and in the process making Goon look like an idiot.
"Where's your fat friend?" asked Goon, unaware of any irony.
"We don't know. He'll be sorry to have missed On Kawara."
That name rang ("Ding-dong! Ding-dong!") the loudest of bells. He hadn't long torn his eyes away from the latest of those unsettling postcards.
"Where?" asked Goon.
"That's him there. Sitting on the bench on the other side of the road. With the exquisite little table in front of him. He's come all the way from New York."
Goon saw that Daisy was referring to the slim man that he had been scrutinising shortly before coming into the café. He saw only now that he might have ben from another planet, so exotic did he look.
"He's painting today's date," said Larry.
"He has to both start and finish the date on the day itself," said Daisy.
"He makes them using acrylic paint on deep-edged canvases and they are all either red or black or blue," said Pip, managing to remember exactly what he'd been told to say.
"If it's not finished by midnight, he has to destroy it," said Bets, adding off her own bat: "But I don't really believe that bit."
"The paintings begin with a layer of raw sienna, to provide a link with Cave Paintings that were made 30,000 years ago," said Larry.
"And end with a neat line of white letters on the dark background."
"Today's Date Painting will say, AUG. 28, 1970."
Goon wasn't sure he believed any of it. How could a grown man - even if he was from somewhere as outrageous as New York or Japan - spend all the livelong day painting the date? It was too stupid for words. The same class of stupidity displayed in sending postcards to someone you didn't know from Adam, day after day. Which made Goon realise something. "Hey! I wanna word with that guy!"
Goon went out of the shop and approached the artist, followed by the Find-Outers. The artist's calm aura caused Goon to hesitate.
"He's a real artist?" asked Mr Goon, in a tentative aside to the four Find-Outers that were standing right behind him. As instructed, Pip spoke up. "Oh yes, he's a true artist all right, from the top of his head to his… er… Manhattan boots." Fatty looked up from his Date Painting but didn't say anything. 'Inscrutable' was his watchword.
"On Kawara doesn't like to speak when he's working. Or at all, really."
"And he doesn't like people to take photos of him. Not ever."
"Why not?"
"Because he thinks photos would distract the public from properly considering his work."
Goon could see that the canvas was now covered in a smooth coat of black paint.
"So what was the point in applying the brown if that's completely covered by the black?" asked Goon.
"The artist knows it's there. He doesn't care about superficial appearances. He doesn't care what other people think."
"I thought you said that he cared that people shouldn't know what he looked like. I would have thought that he either cared about both things or neither."
This took the Find-Outers aback. It was unusual that Goon should so understand what was going on that he could get out in front, but on this occasion that's exactly what he'd done."
Goon went on: "Maybe he wants the public to think that a 30,000-year-old man made the Date Painting."
Larry thought he could risk making a joke: "30,000 year-old artist stuns public with painting of what Peterswood High Street looked like 30,000 years ago."
Fatty took a large hanky out of his pocket and placed it over his whole face so that no-one could tell that 'On Kawara' was laughing.
Daisy realised things were getting out of control. "Shall we leave On Kawara to watch his paint dry? We can come back when he moves onto the next stage."
"Which is what?" asked Goon.
"Oh, he puts on another coat of black," offered Pip.
"Just in case a spot of that 30,000 year-old brown peeps through?" Was there a hint of sarcasm in Goon's voice?
"Yes, Mister Goon.," said Daisy. "You have got the hang of Date Painting remarkably quickly."
"Gah," said Goon, marching off down the street. He'd had enough of such rubbish. He wouldn't listen to any more of it. Not when crime was possibly being committed elsewhere on his beat.
All the Find-Outers felt a sense of anti-climax when Goon went away. It was like someone had taken the lovely, big, pink balloon they were playing with and popped it. Life was more fun when poor old Goon was there to mock.
Fatty said. "Thank goodness Goon walked off! I was about to burst out laughing which would have given the game away. Think how that would have been reported in tomorrow's Peterswood News."
The Find Outers ran with this last remark…
"Date Painter bursts out laughing on Peterswood High Street," said Larry.
Date Painter sells Date Painting for record sum to village policeman," said Pip.
"All black painting titled AUG.28, 1970 declared a fake by art expert," said Daisy.
"Three cheers for On Kawara," said Bets. And the five Find-Outers there and then gave three cheers.
The day was going swimmingly.
*
The four Find-Outers left Fatty to get back into character, and wandered off down the High Street. When they had gone a couple of hundred yards, Pip suggested they take a right turn, and soon they were walking four abreast up the quiet lane that led over the hill.
It was a beautiful, English summer day, they all realised. Birds were singing, plants were flowering. All was right with the world.
"Isn't that the entrance to Milton House?" asked Daisy, as they neared the top of the rise.
The four stopped.
"Gosh, yes. That's what got us started on The Mystery of the Secret Room," said Larry.
"When was that? Last year or the year before?" asked Daisy
"Last year. But was it Xmas, Easter or summer holidays?" asked Bets.
Meanwhile, Pip was walking up the drive. The house seemed as deserted as ever, so there was nothing to stop him climbing the big tree that was unusually close to the house. Just as he'd done last January to really start that Mystery off. It was difficult climbing the tree in summer, as compared to winter when the branches had been bare. But he made it up as far as he'd climbed before, and found that he had just as clear a view into the house.
"Oh, my God!" said Pip.
The others were by then standing at the foot of the tree, Larry had peered through the ground floor windows and declared the house to be as empty as ever.
"You will not believe what I am looking at," said Pip.
"Tell us!" shouted Daisy and Bets
"You know that the last time I could see a table and chair, a carpet and a bookcase, and we wondered why there should be a single furnished room in an empty house? Well, this time I see none of the previous stuff, just - get this! - a blue Date Painting, in the middle of a white wall!"
Bets squealed with delight.
"How do you know it's a Date Painting?" asked Larry. After all, they'd never seen a finished one. Just today's which was still at the all-black stage.
"It's a deep-edged canvas of the same size as Fatty is working on now. And the date on it is A, U, G, then a gap, followed by a 2 and a 0, followed by a comma, then 1970."
"About a week ago," calculated Larry.
"You know what this means, don't you?" said Pip. "Fatty must have made a Date Painting on that day, a Monday, and gained access to Milton House and hung the picture up there. ALL WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO US!"
"Why would he do that?" Asked Bets, wondering if she should be upset.
Pip felt he could see very clearly from his perch high in the tree. "Maybe he wanted us to have a wonderful surprise. After all, why did I suggest we turn up Milton Lane this morning?"
"Well, why was that?" asked Daisy
"I think Fatty used the phrase The Mystery of the Empty Room when he was telling us about On Kawara yesterday."
"He said something about 'empty loft'," agreed Larry. "I think the phrase was 'empty loft thinking' in connection with On Kawara in New York in 1966. But I don't think he mentioned 'empty room' as such."
"Maybe he mentioned empty loft in a way that he knew would bring empty room to mind," said Pip, rubbing his hand against the bark of the branch he was lying along. "Are any of you coming up here? Not you, Bets, it's too dangerous."
"What is all this 'empty' room business? We called that adventure The Mystery of the Secret Room," said Bets.
"Was it a 'secret loft' Fatty was going on about?" asked Daisy.
There was a certain amount of confusion in the minds of the Find-Outers. Meanwhile, Daisy made her way up the tree while Larry stayed down below, holding Bets by the hand.
"Wow!" said Daisy, on climbing high enough and looking into the room from beside Pip. "It looks incredible. What a deep blue."
"It makes you realise what a fab month August is. It kind of goes on forever."
"It's a sad month too. It looks as if it's going on forever and then the school holidays end and you're facing the prospect of being back at school."
"Not until the beginning of September," said Pip. "Let's try and stay in the moment."
"Stay in the month, you mean."
"Blue sky thinking!"
"Empty loft thinking!"
"Secret room thinking!"
"August!"
"You two," shouted Larry from down below. "Can you tell how many Date Paintings are hanging in that room?"
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that," said Pip. But you're right. There might be more than one. We can only see a fraction of the wall space from here"
"How do we find out?"
"Oh, there will be a way. We could just ask Fatty!"
"What a wonderful Mystery this is turning out to be, " said Larry. "But I think we should get back to see how our On is getting on."
And Pip and Daisy nearly fell out of the tree in their scramble to catch up with Larry and Bets.
*
At that moment, the scene on the High Street was a peaceful one. Fatty and Goon were sitting side by side on the bench in front of the café. Fatty was using a ruler to draw two parallel lines with pencil onto the black of his canvas. Goon was pretending not to be watching his every move.
The horizontal lines puzzled Goon. It looked as if On Kawara was dividing up his canvas so that he could paint a foreground of tarmac, a background of blue sky with white clouds (not even started yet) and a middle section which consisted of a row of shops. EXACTLY THE VIEW THAT COULD BE HAD FROM THIS BENCH. So what had that to do with so-called Date Painting?
Fatty began to pencil in the 'A' of August, then the 'U', followed by the 'G'. He could hardly see the pencil lines against the black, even though he was using the softest of pencils so that the maximum of lead was transferred from pencil to canvas. At this stage he had to worry a bit about the spacing of his characters. But he didn't have to worry too much about that because he was doing a size 'B' Date Painting AUG. 28, 1970, and yesterday he had succeeded in creating a perfectly spaced AUG. 27, 1970. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, the fact that Goon was sitting right beside him - and might spot at any moment that it was his old foe Frederick Algernon Trotteville, and not a Japanese-New Yorker called On Kawara - was making him uncomfortable. Fatty was sweating. And the sweat was not working well with the shoe polish he'd applied to his face. If he was to describe the colour of this polish, he would have to say 'raw sienna'. In other words, Fatty's skin tone was supposed to take the viewer back 30,000 years just as the first layer on the Date Painting was. So Goon hadn't been so far from the truth when he ventured that a 30,000-year-old man was making the Date Painting. Oh, Lordy, Fatty was only 13! And he sorely wanted to let off steam by having a giggle.
The '2' and the '8' took Fatty a long time to outline in pencil. He hoped to bore Mister Goon out of his comfy seat. But Fatty had a feeling that Goon was there until he'd properly digested his early lunch.
Fatty recalled another time that he and Goon had sat beside each other on this bench. It had been in the middle of the case that they had named The Mystery of the Invisible Thief. Both Fatty and Goon had been disguised as tramps on that occasion. Yes, that was it. He and Goon sitting on this very bench a year ago. Both dressed as tramps… Infinitely complex individuals… Dressed as tramps…
Fatty had known it was Goon and not a tramp that was sitting beside him, but Goon had had no idea that the tramp he was sitting beside had been Fatty. The situation had been funny, but tense, and then the other Find-Outers had come along. They were in on the joke, though they hadn't realised the tramp was Fatty until Fatty had come out of character to tell them. They knew instantly that the second tramp was Goon as soon as they saw him, so what followed was their little joke that Fatty had to listen to - and watch - without bursting out laughing.
First, Pip had approached the bench and asked Tramp Goon what the time was. Goon scowled, but he pulled out a big watch and told him.
Larry had come next asking for change of sixpence. Fatty had almost choked, but his choke was lost in Goon's snort. "No, Clear—Orf," said Goon, unable to stop himself from using his favourite expression. Fatty had got out his handkerchief, ready to bury his face in it if either of the others came along with a request.
Up came Daisy. 'Could you tell me, please, if the bus stops here for Sheepridge?' she had asked. Goon had nearly exploded! Fatty had been able to read his mind. 'These kids! There he was in a perfectly good disguise, one good enough to prevent anyone from knowing him, one that should be an absolute protection against these pests of children - and there they all were, making a bee-line for him. Did they do this sort of thing to everybody? Why didn't they pick on the other tramp?' "Go and look at the time-table," Goon had snarled at Daisy. Fatty had had to bite his hand through his hanky in order not to laugh.
Bets was the last to come. 'Please have you seen our little dog, Buster?' She'd asked. 'No!' roared Goon. 'And if I do I'll lock him up.' 'Oh, thanks very much,' Bets had said politely in the face of such rudeness, and had departed as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Fatty had had another coughing fit that he'd tried to smother with his hanky. Goon had looked at him disapprovingly, but without suspicion.
Back in the moment. Fatty would have to watch out. He'd made a pig's ear out of the '8' due to not concentrating on the matter to hand. Couldn't these memories of old encounters with Goon wait until he was back in the shed and hanging loose with the other Find-Outers.
"On, On, on," said Fatty aloud, in an effort to get back into character.
'Oh, it speaks,' thought Goon to himself. Goon went on listening, hoping to hear some New York dialect or Japanese nonsense, but the enigmatic artist had retreated back into his customary silence.
Goon realised he couldn't sit there all afternoon, not with crime likely to pop up elsewhere on his beat if he didn't show his face regularly.
*
Despite his good intentions, Goon was still sitting beside 'On Kawara' when he saw three of the Find Outers approach, along with a distinguished looking oriental woman who Pip was holding a yellow sun umbrella over.
Fatty smiled. He'd mentioned this idea the previous day but hadn't gone so far as to suggest they really do it. So it seemed that the rest of the gang were really buying into this On Kawara scenario. He just hoped that Daisy had taken on board all Fatty's admittedly vague advice.
"Aren't you going to introduce me?" asked Goon, who was impressed by the Japanese lady's delicate appearance, especially her dark hair tied back in a ponytail.
"This is Hiroko, the wife of On Kawara" said Larry. "Hiroko, this is Mister Goon," he finished.
Daisy, who was wearing a kimono not unlike Fatty's, though red with white embellishments, brought her hands together in front of her chin and gave a little bow.
"Honoured I'm sure," said Goon in response.
Daisy gave Fatty a packet of sandwiches. For Goon's benefit, Larry said: "Hiroko has made a few pieces of sushi for her husband."
"Ikka-ool-potty-wickle-tok, Andy Warhol," said Hiroko to On.
"Andy Warhol sicko-bling-pop lotto-money American clap."
"What are they saying?" asked Goon with interest.
"I think they're discussing the New York art scene."
Hiroko fired some gobbledygook at Goon. Who, for some reason, turned to Larry for translation.
"She wants to know if you're a real British policeman," said Larry. "What shall I tell her?"
Mr. Goon glared at Larry. Hiroko spoke again to her husband. "Ribbly-rookatee, paddle-pool, David Hockney, Brishy bulldog poop-squeak," she said and laughed.
Fatty tried to speak but couldn't. It was the best he could do not to chuckle into his ham sandwiches.
"What did that mean? asked Mr. Goon.
"I don't like to tell you, Mr. Goon," Larry said.
"Why? What's it matter?" Said the policeman, curious.
"Well, it's rather a personal remark," said Larry. "No, I don't really think I can tell you, Mr Goon."
"Go on - you tell me," said Goon, getting angry. "And while you're at it, get Hiroko to ask On why he keeps sending me those postcards that tell me - a real, busy, British policeman - his getting-out-of-bed-in-the-morning time!"
Daisy spoke briefly to Fatty and then spoke a few words directly to Mr Goon, risking a bit of eye contact. "Wonga-bonga-smello-fiddly-poktok."
"There she goes again, talking in tongues! " said poor Goon. "That was probably the answer to why he husband sends the postcards. You tell me exactly what she said, Larry."
"I can't possibly," persisted Larry, making Goon feel so curious that he could hardly contain himself. His face began to go purple, and his eyes bulged. He took a step forward and looked as if he might knock the Date Painting off the table.
"I think we should all calm down a bit," said Pip. "You can see that the Time Artist has been put off his work."
It was true that Fatty hadn't felt able to add a single brushstroke to his Date Painting since the arrival of Daisy in disguise.
"Let the man eat his sushi!" said Larry. But Goon did calm down and sat down again beside the - admittedly distinguished - artist. He could see the painting had been started, the letters 'A', 'U' and 'G', and the numbers '2' and '8' had been roughly painted in white.
Daisy spoke some gibberish to Fatty, ending with the number '2026'.
Fatty shook his head.
Larry explained to Goon that Hiroko had suggested that the master might date his painting the 28th of August 2026 rather than 1970. She was heartily sick of August 1970 and needed a break from seeing it day-after-day on her husband's paintings.
"I see," said Goon. "And what did the… er… 'Time Master' tell her?"
"You saw him shake his head. But we'll just have to wait and see what he chooses to do," said Larry
"I can't see him rubbishing his own practice," added Pip, who thought that was the sort of thing you might say if you went to art school.
"To tell you the truth, I think Hiroko was having a little joke," said Bets, catching Daisy's eye.
"Hmmm. They joke around a lot together, don't they?" mused Goon.
"I think that's often the way with Japanese couples who end up in New York," said Bets, marvelling how she could sound so grown up.
I think that's often the way with New York couples who end up in Peterswood," said Pip, with an air of maturity that surprised him as much as everyone else. With someone like Fatty around, it was easy to talk complete nonsense that everyone accepted as pearls of wisdom.
"Now, shall we leave the Time Master to concentrate on the tricky bit?" said Larry.
And that's exactly what happened.
*
The Find Outers had walked away from Goon, which was the opposite direction from before, but soon realised they could make good use of this. Pip suggested that they pay a visit to Fatty's shed to see if they could shed some light on the new Mystery of the Secret Room.
"But isn't that going behind Fatty's back?" asked Bets, loyally.
"Fatty would approve, I'm sure," argued Pip. "Anyway, we wouldn't have to tell him."
When they got to the Trotteville house they knocked on the front door, bold as brass, having agreed that this was the best way forward.
Fatty's mother smiled when she saw them. She hadn't seen enough of the children that summer and she'd seen a bit too much of Fatty.
"We've come to tidy up Fatty's shed," said Bets. "Would that be OK?"
"Of course. He's been in that shed all summer and it needs a good tidy. But have you okayed it with him?"
"Yes, Mrs Trotteville," said Daisy with a smile. She was no longer dressed as Hiroko, but had taken a lot of confidence from her successful role-playing.
So, down to the shed they went and soon they were discovering all sorts of things. First, there was a small, black Date Painting that had been made on the first of August of 1970. It seems that was when Fatty had embarked on his whole On Kawara project. It was the first Date Painting that Larry and Bets had seen. And the first that Pip and Daisy had seen up close.
"It's weirdly impressive."
"It's just the date."
"What do you mean 'just'?"
The four of then stood and stared at the little painting that had been done with such obvious care.
"This isn't just an anti-Goon thing," said Larry. "This is a lifestyle choice."
"It's not a hobby, it's a passion," said Daisy
"Fatty thinks he is On Kawara," mused Pip.
The canvas was hidden away in a drawer in the big desk where Fatty put together his postcards. A little more opening of drawers, revealed tubes of acrylic as well as brushes and blank canvases, and they realised it was also where Fatty did some or most of his Date Painting.
A book or 'Journal' showed that Fatty had made a postcard and sent it to Goon every day since the beginning of the month. The postcard page was divided into columns, one of which was for Fatty's getting up time. An astonishing number of these were in the afternoon. The average getting up time was between 11 A.M. and noon. The earliest had been 6.04 A.M. on August 5 and the latest 3.21 P.M. on August 15.
"That must have been after an all-night mah jong session," said Bets.
"Does Fatty play mah jong then?"
"Don't you remember? It was all he could talk about earlier in the summer when he got back from boarding school."
"But who does he play with in Peterswood."
"A couple from Korea and a man from China, for a start. There is a surprisingly large Asian community in Peterswood and they all talk about mah Jong."
Fatty had also made a Date Painting on most days. Ten blue ones, seven black ones and two red.
"Look at this," said Pip. He was flicking through an A4 ring-pull binder that had 'I MET' written on the front of it. The pages were stamped with the date and each page had a list of names typed on it. Pip turned to a page at random, headed 'AUG. 8, 1970' and read the names in the order they'd been typed.
BUSTER
MRS TROTTEVILLE
P.C. GOON
LARRY DAYKIN
DAISY DAYKIN
"Funny that he doesn't use his mother's first name," said Bets.
"She's a bit intimidating, don't you think?"
"Yeah, but she's his mum!"
Pip turned a few pages, looking for his own name. Sure enough, on August 11, the list read:
BUSTER
MRS TROTTEVILLE
P.C. GOON
BETS HILTON
PIP HILTON
Pip tried to recall that day. But all the days of the long, school holiday had merged into one, in his mind, and he couldn't. Anyway, Fatty had listed the people he'd met. From Pips's point of view, all he knew for sure was that he would have met his own parents, his sister and Fatty. And that in itself didn't bring anything to mind.
Larry had found another similar-sized file, called 'I WENT'. Again the pages were date-stamped, beginning with AUG. 1, 1970, and filed in chronological order. Each page was a photocopy of a map of Peterswood, and, on top of the pro forma map, Fatty had drawn a line with a red biro.
"Fatty's movements each day?" suggested Daisy.
"Look at this one." Larry 's finger pointed out that the red biro line went all the way to Milton House and back. Larry turned over the page and then turned back two pages. Fatty had gone to the deserted house four days in a week. Did that mean that there were four Date Paintings in the secret room?
"I think it does mean that."
"You mean you want it to mean that."
"Oh, that would be marvellous. Just think. Walking round that room with the four Dates."
"What are they, Larry?"
"AUG. 18, 1970…AUG. 19, 1970… AUG. 20, 1970… and AUG. 22, 1970."
"I wonder what Fatty did on August 21."
"He didn't get up until 2.45 P.M.so maybe he didn't have time to make a Date Painting," said Bets.
"And he only met, Buster. So perhaps he took Buster for a long walk," said Pip.
"Yes, they went for a walk up the river to Marlow," confirmed Larry. Remember, that's where Mystery of the Missing Man is partly set.
Bets was by herself looking through the 'I MET' file and told the rest of the Find Outers that every single day Buster topped the list of people that Fatty had met.
"Doesn't surprise me. He sleeps with the dog on the bed," said Pip. "It would have been difficult for Fatty not to have started each day by meeting Buster."
Pip said this in passing. He was now scrutinising the 'I WENT' maps along with Daisy and Larry.
Each day Fatty got up (marked by a filled-in red circle) in his house. That made sense. Each day he walked to his shed at the bottom of the garden and usually he would explore Peterswood.
It looked to Larry that Fatty had followed the route of The Mystery of the Strange Bundle one day. That was the same day that Fatty had met Larry and Daisy, and sure enough - per the 'I WENT' map - Fatty did stop at the Daykin house on New Road, on the east side of the village.
"Did he say anything about re-enacting The Mystery of the Strange Bundle that day?"
"Not a word. But he was carrying something quite large and oblong in a bag."
"Could it have been a Date Painting?"
"Yes!"
"And do you think he threw it in the Thames just like that time in the Christmas holidays when Mr Fellows got rid of the puppet?"
"Who knows!"
"And look at this," said Pip. Who had spotted that one day the red line went all the way along the riverbank to Tally-Ho Cottage.
"I wonder if Fatty has painted a Date and hung it on the wall of Tally-Ho Cottage."
"If he didn't manage to negotiate that with the tenants, he may have managed to get it installed in Tally-Ho House itself."
"Coo," said Pip.
"Fatty has been having the time of his life," reckoned Larry.
"He is so into being On Kawara."
"That's why he got in touch the other day. He knew he couldn't leave us out of the fun for a whole month," said Daisy.
"Yes, but is it just fun? It seems much more serious to me. By placing these Dates painted in the current month of August in places that we've all got glorious memories of from old school holidays, Fatty seems to be paying tribute to his or our past."
"He's being nostalgic?"
"I think so."
"What does that mean?" asked Bets.
"I don't know if I can explain, Bets," said Larry. "You're a bit too young. Besides, I really think we should get back to the High Street."
"Don't fob Bets off like that, or she'll never learn," said Daisy. "Nostalgia is when the memory of an event makes you feel good about what you've done in the past. You revisit it in your mind, perhaps with rose-tinted glasses on."
"Talking about revisiting the past, albeit the recent past. Hadn't we better get back to the High Street?"
"Crikey, yes. Fatty may already be finished his Date Painting."
"You mean On Kawara, don't you?"
"I sure do."
*
Back opposite the café, Fatty and Goon were sitting alongside each other again. Fatty had finished the lettering, then gone over it again in white, then switched to black in order to paint back into the white at the overpainted edges of the numbers and letters. The canvas now well and truly said:
AUG. 28, 1970
But Fatty couldn't stop. There were all sorts of imperfections evident to his youthful eye, and using his two finest brushes, one for black paint and one for white, he was picking off the errors one at a time.
Goon sat there and marvelled. How could he have forgotten that August 28 was his birthday. Perhaps because he never got any acknowledgment of it these days. First, his aunt had stopped sending him birthday cards, and two years ago his old Mum had stopped ringing him to say she'd forgotten to send a card. He was 46-years-old today, and not another human being in the world seemed to be aware of the fact.
Well, maybe one human being, this strange man that went by the name of On Kawara. Now Goon knew why the Time Artist had been sending him postcards all month. It was his way of working towards the special day. Today. Goon's birthday.
At that moment of revelation, the rest of the Find-Outers turned up. All expressed enthusiasm for the Date Painting. It had come on in leaps and bounds since they last saw it. They were genuinely impressed.
Fatty took the opportunity of leaning back and shaking his head. What did that mean? The Find-Outers weren't sure. 'On Kawara' looked into the sky and frowned theatrically.
"It's getting dark," realised Pip.
"It's getting dark and On Kawara is not satisfied with his Date yet," said Daisy.
"It's getting dark and On Kawara needs to find somewhere inside that is brightly lit so that he can finish off the Date Painting to his satisfaction," said Larry.
"Otherwise it will have to be destroyed," said Pip.
"Otherwise he will have to stick his foot through it," said Daisy.
"Otherwise he will have to throw it into the Thames and watch it float away into the night," said Larry, still trying to hold back guffaws from what Daisy had said.
"Otherwise…" but Bets couldn't add anything, she really couldn't.
Goon spoke up. "Presumably the Date Painting can be finished back at your hotel, Mr Kawara. Or wherever it is you are staying."
Fatty shook his head. The Find-Outers took it as a cue to go into action again.
"Hiroko told us that their Holiday Inn is very poorly lit," said Pip.
"Hiroko told us that their room smelt strongly of dog hair and that they couldn't stand to be in there for long," said Daisy.
"Hiroko told us that their room smelt strongly of dog hair and that they couldn't stand to be in there unless they had their heads under the bed covers and were sleeping," said Larry with an effort to keep a straight face.
"Hiroko told us that.." and Bets burst into a spluttering laugh that no-one could interpret as anything but extreme amusement.
"Hmmm," said Goon, who wasn't in the habit of paying any attention to the body language of children.
"I suppose On Kawara could finish AUG. 28, 1970 at our place," said Larry. "Trouble is, our parents will have the TV on in the lounge and I don't think it's appropriate that the delicate finishing work on the Date be done while Steptoe and Son blares in the background."
"Of course, On Kawara would be welcome to finish AUG. 28, 1970 at our place," said Pip. "But our parents will be watching Some Mothers Do Ave 'Em, followed by It Aint Half Hot, Mum, and then the The Nine O'Clock News."
Pip continued: "On could finish his work in either of our bedrooms. But the trouble with that is both Bets and I need to be asleep before nine o'clock in order to get our ration of… sleep. And I don't think it would be fair to ask our On to be completely quiet while he finished off his masterpiece."
Goon pondered the situation. there was a lot of sniggering going on. The light really was going fast. It seemed to him that AUG. 28, 1970 was perfect. Finished and perfect. But he realised that On Kawara was a far more sensitive creature than himself, and if the Time Master wasn't satisfied then some way needed to be found for him to finish things off to his own high standard. He had a brainwave. "Why don't you finish off the Date Painting at my place? There is a good overhead light in the kitchen."
Was the invitation sincere? Goon had never wanted anything more in his life. He was already on his feet and prepared to help the master with his various bits and pieces.
*
When Goon arrived home, he switched on all the lights and allowed the Time Artist to decide for himself where he wanted to work. The lounge, where the TV was? Or the dining room, where Goon liked to eat his three square meals? Or even the kitchen where there was a third table set up for snacks? Goon plumped cushions and made sure that the radiator was on now that the day was cooling.
How was Fatty feeling about all this? He was feeling extremely wary since there had been occasions in the past when he'd humiliated Goon to the extent that - when Goon realised what had gone down - Goon had delivered violent retribution. This Fatty wanted to avoid at all costs. But at the same time, he was too much the daredevil not to want to push the Date Painting lark just as far as he could.
The 13-year-old 'On Kawara' sat at the dining table as Goon made himself useful. That's to say, Goon provided a jam-jar of clean water and two saucers so that the Time Artist could dip his brushes into either of the colours he needed. Actually, hardly any black was being used at this late stage in the Date. All the same, it was good to have a supply to hand in order to instantly deal with tiny errors.
"On, On, on," said Fatty to a captivated audience of one.
As the painting went on in silence, Goon had nothing but respect for the intense concentration on display. He could never do that sort of thing himself. Having said that, Goon was getting excited about the prospect of gaining possession of the Date Painting and hanging it on the wall in such a position that he would be able to look up from his breakfast, lunch or dinner and feast his eyes:
AUG. 28, 1970
Why had Goon told the children that today was his birthday? Why had Goon lied to himself about that? Goon was a May baby. Maybe he'd lied about his birthday as a way of explaining his otherwise untoward enthusiasm for the Date Painting. But now that he was sitting in his own home, with a chance to think that through, he was realising that the reason he loved the Date Painting was because it was such a celebration of the everyday. Every day Goon ate a full English breakfast and then went out and smelt the roses. He lived and loved his lonely old life and the Date Painting had brought that truth crashing down on him.
Fatty worked and worked at the Date Painting. At ten o'clock he suddenly got very tired and realised that if he did any more he would spoil it. He needed his bed. On the other hand, he felt that he existed outside of his body.
ON KAWARA
ON KNOWABLE
Fatty leant back, took a deep breath in through his nose and released it through his mouth, which brought his attention to the false teeth he was wearing. He would be glad to take them out as soon as he got home. Home! He wandered over to the sink in a daze and cleaned his brushes so they would be good to go the next time of asking, whenever that would be. Fatty stretched and yawned and made it clear to Goon that he was done and dusted. The artist known as On Kawara was about to leave the building.
Goon wanted to buy the Date Painting but had no idea what it was worth. Sixpence? Ten bob. A pony?
"Look," he said to the Time Artist. "Can I buy it?"
Fatty didn't risk speaking. He was too tired. He made a gesture towards the canvas and then gave a little bow, not unlike the one Hiroko had given to Goon earlier in the day. He made it as clear as he could that AUG. 28, 1970 was a gift from the Time Artist to the timebound policeman, P.C. Goon. Fatty just wanted to get out of there before something went wrong. Right now, all was tranquility between Mister Goon and himself. A tranquility that would explode into calamity if Fatty put a single foot wrong. Let that not happen! Fatty would go home, get changed, and On Kawara would never be heard from again in Peterswood.
"G'night, Time Master," said Goon, as Fatty made his exit, taking with him his few, simple tools in a paper bag, and an outrageous sense of accomplishment.
Left alone with his prize, Goon didn't have to think about what to do next. He banged a nail into the wall and put two screws into the back of the Date's top stretcher, and tied a length of string between them. Then he hung the canvas, levelled it scrupulously, and went back to sit down at the table and LOOK. Goon gazed long and hard at the Date Painting... and knew what was then and forever his:
AUG. 28, 1970
"I am still alive," he said to himself. Goon didn't count his blessings, because he didn't have any blessings to count. Just the one essential fact.
"I AM STILL ALIVE."
Roll on tomorrow.
